Don’t read this if you don’t like pointless quizzes

I happen to like pointless quizzes. I haven’t found out anything useful about myself after taking any of them. I like to imagine the type of traveler/sex partner/lumberjack I might be and try to rig the quiz by answering the questions accordingly.
However, this quiz was actually fun and I did learn something about myself, just not something I didn’t already know.

The NY Times published a quiz called How Y’all, Youse and You Guys Talk. They quiz you on a number of regional terms and buzzwords in order to produce your personal dialect map. What a surprise! My personal dialect map is below, showing the hot zones with which I have the most in common, linguistically speaking…basically red is good and blue is bad.
And all I see is one long, red clusterf&*k that covers the Sun Belt, ya’ll. I have to admit that I am a little proud of that, although with Texas lingering dangerously in my less erogenous yellow zone, I guess I’d better watch my P’s & Q’s moving forward:
my map
Deep blue means that I apparently wouldn’t be able to communicate with those people at all without a phrasebook. Despite the fact that we both speak English, at least marginally.
Second quiz, not as much fun and not as informative, but if you are looking to waste a little time, Lonely Planet would like to analyze you and tell you where to go in 2015. I know where I would like to tell several people to go, but apparently LP doesn’t consider that to be a valid travel destination and I couldn’t get the quiz to cooperate. My travel destination was Singapore, due to my “enviable style and poise” and the ability to “spot a well-mixed mojito at ten paces”.

Go figure. Singapore isn’t even on my radar.
And isn’t that where they paddle you for being naughty?
Wait. Maybe the quiz actually was right… spooky.

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